Wuthering Heights

So we're reading Wuthering Heights in one of my classes and I thought of this video. It is probably the most ridiculous thing I have seen and my friend Karen is obsessed with it. Thank God the 80s ended.

The part where she creepily sings 'i hated you, I loved you too,' brings up a central part of the book that i recently discussed with a friend. It is incorrect that love and hate opposites. When in reality, they both imply attraction of some kind. One way or another your thinking about that person a lot. The real opposite of love is indifference. This notion is actually scarier to me. I am indifferent to a lot of people and a lot systems that keep my life comfortable while oppressing someone else, so essentially the life I lead is a testament to a severe lack of love. And I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one for whom this is true.

Hate is actually more of a counterfeit of love than it's opposite because it's all attraction and no sincere concern. I'm a big believer in counterfeits. By this I mean that I think the world was intended to be full of beautiful things but the way that things are currently beautiful things end up twisted and perverse. For example, the summer before freshman year, I worked at a day care center. There was a kid, named David, who clearly showed signs of autism but his mom refused to believe it. She was in my opinion a perversion of what a mother should be. When you first meet her you think she's the best mother in the world because she dresses her kid so nicely and has the appearance of a good mom. But in reality, she was probably one of the worst mothers i've ever met because her relationship with David was completely self-serving, it was entirely about how he made her look. So what was meant to have been a beautiful, fulfilling relationship was just plain ugly. All that aside, I have been thinking about my friends and what paths they're going down and I think that the urge to counterfeit oneself is so strong. Pretty much all of my friends could make themselves into something else simply because they are talented and capable. And most of the people a school like Penn attracts can do this. Musicians can turn themselves into bankers or accountants, filmakers into physicians, etc. because they can and that's what people expect they will do.

I have been thinking a lot about my next step lately. And trying to honestly evaluate what I love and if i'm really ready to leave behind English/literature/writing. Over fall break, I was talking to my dad and he was complaining about his 401K getting destroyed and I told him that I don't think retirement is necessarily biblical. Obviously wisdom and planning are a good thing when it comes to finances. But at the same time, if you're doing a job in eager anticipation of when you can leave it behind then maybe that's just not what you're supposed to be doing. More importantly, what is the point of retiring? Is it really healthy to just stop working and wait around until... you die?

umm...no thanks.